10/18/2007 Leslie Shares

October 18, 2007 - Thursday
Leslie’s 2nd attempt at this blogging thing....
Okay, so that wasn't so hard. Actually, that last one took longer than you might think. I am completely full of every emotion these days. I never know what is going to come out. One minute I am feeling strong and having dance parties with TJ in the living room, and the next I am crying or feeling a deep pit in the depth of my stomach. This will, no doubt, be a roller coaster ride. I am amazed at the amount of support by friends and family. Please continue to call and email. Today was my first day alone with TJ since before my surgery, and the quiet was a little unsettling. I guess I should enjoy the quiet before the next storm.The next storm... I got home from a long day at Loyola Hospital yesterday and needed to retreat to my room for some sleep. As soon as I closed the door, a feeling of panic, or something, just overwhelmed me. The last time I felt like this was when I was pregnant with TJ and I realized that he had to come out! I spent so much time thinking about it and even talking to others about it, but then I had that realization that froze me. This was my own journey. Of course I had family and friends to encourage me and God to give me strength. But, only I was the one who would be able to deliver that child! It was the same feeling yesterday. This is my journey. The one God knew about before I was even born. The one He is asking me to walk. Right now. I can't crawl under the covers and put it off until I am ready. He has made me ready, somehow. He has given me strength through all of you. But, I must walk it alone. No one can take the pokes for me. No one can do the mental battles for me. This journey is my own. (I'm thinking of a Sarah Groves song about this very thing.)I'm going to go back to listening to my Destiny's Child "I'm A Survivor" instead. No, I don't think she is a cancer survivor. : ) But that's the song that has been going over and over in my mind ever since the doctor said that dreaded "C" word. So now TJ and I crank it and dance to it whenever I need a boost.
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Leslie’s first attempt at this blogging thing....
Holy cow. What just happened?!